Updated: Apr 27
The random accident that it was.
Lets start with some build-up information. I had a brain mass and had been out of work a few years. My doctor suggested I see a therapist for depression. He said that anyone that had been out of work (out of purpose) that long was bound to be depressed and he'd feel better if I talked to a professional. So I did. I had two sessions with her before my discovery. I had told her that Bipolar Disorder runs in my family. She had asked straight out if I thought I was Bipolar and I said no. I had no reason to believe I was... at least I didn't think I did. I was watching television after that and came across a commercial for "Bipolar 1". I thought, "What? No way! There are different types of Bipolar Disorder?!" I had no idea. So I decided to go to the website from the commercial and take a quiz. The quiz took about three minutes and had maybe 12 questions on it. At the end of the quiz it said that if you had answered yes to any of the questions above, you should see a doctor about the possibility of Bipolar Disorder, Well, I answered yes. To every single question. That quiz put a lot of things in perspective for me. I told my doctor about the quiz and of course he referred me back to the therapist. While I was waiting for my therapy appointment I told a friend how scared I was that I might be bipolar. I cried. She just looked at me like I was nuts... I guess I was. She handed me a quiz to take on a piece of paper to determine if I was in fact Bipolar. It was the exact same quiz I took online. Precisely. To a T. So there I was again, answering yes to every single question. As I handed it back to her, she said, "I think you might be Bipolar." After further discussion she decided that I was Bipolar 1; the kind of Bipolar that I thought I definitely was not, before I took that dang quiz. A lot of things came into perspective for me: how my husband frequently couldn't understand why I was crying, and sometimes neither could I; how I would never cook, until I decided randomly to cook enough for an army; the sex drive mood swings; everything was starting to make sense. I took Latuda for a few months. It helped but I still caught myself crying "for no reason" or having an argument that my husband would swear made no sense. I was switched to Vraylar and never looked back. No wild and crazy highs staying up all night baking (baking is my thing when I'm on an up-swing). No bursting out crying for basically no reason at all. Being fully medicated is an experience. I realized so many things that I'd done that I wouldn't have "in my right mind." I felt like someone else had been controlling my life. It's hard realizing you wouldn't be where you are without Bipolar; strange realizing a disease caused big, significant parts of your life. I wonder where I'd be without it...
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